Dr. Bob, you are a true gentleman. I saw this post first thing this morning and thought: "Buy a plane ticket to Norway. Go fishing." Then thought about that old saying about "if you can't say anything nice... then Jim will probably be a smartass," and figured I'd take the morning off.
I saw all those same things in the profile and thought to myself: "Self, this looks like a heaping helping of spam." Yet, you still tried to nicely provide some guidance. You really are a good guy.
This one reminded me a bit of the guy on a sailing forum many years ago who wanted to take his MacGregor 26x sailboat across the Pacific... but didn't know how to sail, and wondered if it would be OK to fill the water ballast tank with gas to use on the tip. Of course, I thought he was just messing with us, because nobody could be that stupid. I was wrong, and learned to not underestimate the unlimited depths of... well, you know.