Name Calling

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Sarge

New member
Sorry, but this is something that has been stuck in my craw for a while now and I can't seem to let it go.

A little while back, I was in Anthony's Beachside Cafe in Edmonds after returning from boating with my wife's cousin and his wife, my in-laws, my wife and my kids. It was the typical, touristy "view Seattle from the water" trip. It was extremely uneventful.

While waiting for a table in the cafe, I sat at the bar talking to my wife's cousin and his wife. We talked boating. They aren't boaters, but enjoy being on a boat.

I talked about my boating adventures and experiences, albeit I do consider myself a mostly fair weather boater. I also don't fish, which keeps me inside on those days when the fishing is great, but the weather isn't. Well, apparently the guy sitting next to my wife's cousin who was eavesdropping didn't think much of my boating prowess. Occasionally, he'd stare at me. I thought nothing of it and enjoyed my time with my wife's relatives.

Then the guy leaves the bar and as he passes me he leans over an calls me a "pussy." I was caught off-guard. I wasn't looking at him when he walked by and of course he didn't stop he just walked out the bar.

It really bothered me, and obviously continues to bother me.

I thought about this way too much but after running through various scenarios in my mind I must admit that I'm glad he continued out the door and this is how I'm handling this issue, upset but not in trouble.

Those who've met me at CBGTs know that I'm mostly an easy going guy, but demons lurk in this ex-cop. I'm not one who tolerates fools well.

I know I did the right thing by sitting in the bar (I had one beer) and talking about this guy's uncalled for behavior, but it doesn't make it easier for me to swallow. I do believe in karma and what goes around, comes around, but waiting for his comeuppance from the universe is too removed.

What kind of person feels entitled to ruin another person's day because he doesn't like a story being told? We're not talking politics, abortion, gay rights, or oil companies :-) just boating.

It turned a pleasant day into a frustrating evening.
 
To keep this PG rated... don't let the idiots get you down. There will always be people who feel the way to build themselves up is to bring others down. You can bring yourself to their level, or you can move on. You did the right thing.

As our world becomes more impersonal with computer interaction, videos, etc, people get less social interaction. The socially unskilled can yell at the TV, call people names on the faceless internet, and think that is life. We used to call it lack of manners, but it really comes down to ignorance. That guy was an as... um, idiot. You can't reason with an idiot. You shouldn't have to. Our boating is completely different from the next guy's... as is yours; it's not something to be judged, it's about the enjoyment. If the as... um, idiot doesn't think your way of doing it lives up to his expectations, that's his problem.

Someone who utters a comment as they pass by would be more my definition of a "pussy" or an as... um, idiot. His life is pathetic, you are out there doing what you enjoy.

Which brings up the adage: never wrestle with a pig. In the end, you both get dirty and the pig rather enjoys it.

Enjoy your boating.

Best wishes,
Jim B.
 
Hey Sarge,
The guy has tiny male appendage syndrome... His life is pathetic and he is trying to make himself feel better by dumping his inadequacy on you...

I have been banging around in airplanes for most of my 70 years and both me and the planes are still on one piece because I am paranoid about the weather I fly into... It looks to me like your boating judgment is just fine...
 
I had a person who shall remain nameless insult me to my face and to others and break trust and show extreme disrespect recently . Ran into that person and something was said [by them] regarding burying the hatchet . I simply replied that I don't carry hatchets around as if you collect them they get rather heavy . But I don't forget either and there is no chance of repairing what happened . But I refuse to let it bother me . Just move on and know you are better for not lowering yourself to their level.
Marc
 
Sarge,

I think it was Shakesphere, Teddy Roosevelt or one of those real old guys who said "...a man is known by his enemies as well as his friends." I've always thought that was a prudent and realistic way to look at people such as the one you encountered. Thus, I would consider his comment as a compliment to you.

I'm sure in your law enforcement career you had to deal with more than your share of anti-social personality disorders and narcissists. You used to get paid for it so you sure don't have to do it for free now. You done good (as we say in the south) to let the jerk go.

His behavior was nothing about you and everything about him.

Harper
 
Sarge-

That guy can be politely described as a "jerk", which really doesn't begin to describe his lack of personal self-respect, integrity, judgement, and communication and social skills.

Don't let his own sense of inadequacy and immaturity, as evidenced in that rude remark, bother you.

People who feel such a gut-level need to insult others with a low class remark only reveal their own true selves in the mirror image it casts backward.

Your first reaction of anger and rage is understandable, and while you might like to beat him up or terminate him entirely, the best course of action is to just let the poor, miserable, jerk have to continue to live with himself.

The way to show your own strength is to just let it roll off your back and go quietly ahead with your own life, undeterred from cheap and childish remarks from the low-life types.

Cheers!

Joe. :teeth :thup
 
Ya, Jan and I were cruising along listening to the old time radio programs on Sirius the other day, then we switched over to a "comedy channel". In a VERY short time we found their "humor" so degrading to certain individuals/groups that we were off of that one. Seems that anyone living in a trailer, working for Walmart, driving a Prius - or acting other than "ordinary" is the butt for everyone else's "humor".

I believe that the media is probably reflecting (or maybe "guiding") the "culture" of today's population - I believe I'll stick with that reflected in the programs of the 40's and 50's, - kinda corny but not overly vicious with any one group.

Sorry for your experience.
 
Sarge":343bq1nc said:
What kind of person feels entitled to ruin another person's day.........
Click to expand...

I don't know the answer, but it's a damn good question. Good people have been asking it, well, for as long as there have been good people.
 
Thank you all for responding.

Just writing about this incident has been therapeutic. I had heard the saying about wrestling with a pig before, but this context gave it new meaning for me. Thanks!

-Sarge
 
I was going to send this as a P.M. but what the hell i have not gotten in to trouble lately.

You should have kicked his ass and here’s why.
For no other reason then to let him and those like him know that they can not get away with it. We as a society have been putting up with way to much in resent years in the name of Politeness or none judgmental etc.. We put up with it in our schools and in public. Whether its guys like this or rude people in the store or movie theater, Some times its peoples unwillingness to parent their own children in stores or restaurants, Some times its young man and women’s behavior in parks and public in general. Where ever it happens we put up with it way to much and we should not.

Not every life style is equal, not every choice is right, not every idea is valid. Bad choices in life and actions have their consequences and one of those should include being shunned or ridiculed in public. This is nothing new, this is the way it has been for a long time and only recently, as a society in this country, have we stepped away from the personal responsibility of each of us to police the actions of others that directly affects us in public. I don’t care what people do in their own homes, but we should demand a certain level of respect of each other in public. You should not have gotten up to kick his ass with your family there; three or four other guys should have gotten up from the bar and set him straight.

Ask your self would you walk away if you saw a punk harassing an old lady on the street? To many folks today would not involve themselves for fear of their own safety or because it’s not their business, until it happens to them. “All it takes for evil to rein is for good men to do nothing.”

Now as for pigs? You should not bother a pig in his own mud just for the sake of wrestling a pig, (unless you live in a trailer and are on you way home from wall mart and your sister is not home from work yet) but if that pig is in your yard turning it into mud there is no other choice but to get dirty or live in his mud. Either way you will end up muddy, only difference is that if you get rid of the pig, or clean him up, you can get your yard clean again.

I truly wander if Hitler was taking control of Germany today if we as a nation or a world would do anything about it??? Many were against doing something at the time.
 
hi sarge,
several years ago the owner of a business we had and continue to have insured was provoked into a fight by a neighboring business owner. the one business owner called our insured a fag. a fight started and our insured did well, however, in the heat of battle, our insured didn't stop fighting when he clearly he had won and the other party had stopped fighting. no one was seriously injured but the big mouth was taken to the hospital and required stitches and had a jaw problem of some sort. not the end of story, our insured was subsequently arrested and was sued by the person who had originally started this whole thing. the charges were dropped but the out of court settlement was for $50,000. incidentally, this was not a covered insured loss. our insured paid $50,000. to defend his name. i try to remember this event every time i'm in a situation that brings my blood to a boil. when i was a teenager a friend on mine got into a fight with a college kid, hit the college guy just once, but the college kid fell, struck his head on the curb and died. my friend went to prison, the college kid's family was devastated, and it all started over a misunderstood glance.
just food for thought.
best regards
pat
 
Sarge":2y93cgd2 said:
Thank you all for responding.

Just writing about this incident has been therapeutic. I had heard the saying about wrestling with a pig before, but this context gave it new meaning for me. Thanks!

-Sarge
Click to expand...

Sarge, I didn't read the entire thread, but you know the rest of the saying don't you?

"... you get muddy, and the pig likes it!"

Just chalk things up to a person who has very few branches in the family tree.
 
starcrafttom":5b3bjbva said:
I was going to send this as a P.M. but what the hell i have not gotten in to trouble lately.

You should have kicked his ass and here’s why.
Click to expand...

Tom,

Another of them real old men, Davy Crockett or Daniel Boone said "...save your dry powder for the big battle." Some jerk reflecting shame upon himself is not the big battle in my view. No beating could cause the damage he did to himself by his very own actions. I have absolutely no problem physically engaging someone if physical safety or life is threated but that is not the case here.

Sarge, as a sworn LE officer, has demonstrated tremendous courage by pinning the badge on. This cowardly, demented creature in a human body has no idea! Again, way to go Sarge!

Harper
 
Sarge, your response was most appropriate and admirable. Unfortunately, too many folks watch TV and expect that getting into a fight means nothing more than a black eye, a bloody nose, a bruised ego and they walk away from it. Unfortunately, that is not always the end result in a fight. In the years in my line of work I've come to the assistance of the "losers" and the "winners" in these fights and some of them have incurred physical and mental deficits that they have to "live" with for the rest of their lives. Additionally, I've arrived on the scene of these "fights" to find individuals that have quickly succumbed to their injuries and after investigation are transported to the morgue. (The majority of these fights have been over very trivial matters).

Even though you are a former law enforcement officer and trained to inflict pain and to protect yourself, you are also well aware that the "insulting" individual could have been packing iron which rapidly makes a confrontation one sided.

Consider the old adage...."don't take a knife to a gun fight".

The advice to pick your battles are certainly applicable in this and in all cases. This event was certainly an insult that wouldn't warrant the time of day had it occurred to me. However, there are certain actions that if they occurred against my family or me would be dealt with most expeditiously.

Most military training (certainly mine) was not how to "fight" but how to "terminate" an individual. That being said if you enter into an altercation, use your training to its' fullest extent and plan on ending it in your favor.

Peace, Brother..... :wink
 
I guess the jerk was lucky not to have run into Tom. :) Sounds like we've got some tough guys on this board.

Seriously Carl, you did the right thing. I've been in situations where I was frustrated for not responding to situations immediately but when all is said in done, it's the mature, clear-thinking guy who has the guts to refrain from being goaded into something that in all liklihood would lead to something bad.
 
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