A Trip to Walmart

Wandering Sagebrush

Wandering Sagebrush

Free Range Human
Some humor from a friend.

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to butt sniff an Irish Setter and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
 
Wandering Sagebrush....here it is durned near midnight and I'm trying to laugh "quietly" so as to not awaken the Admiral.

Way too funny of a story. You should also post this on the "Daily Laugh" thread.

Thanks, I really needed that laugh tonight!
 
You and my mom should go bowling.. My mother like to stand behind large groups of tourist when they are taking a piture. she just slides into the shot on the sides or in the back. she want to be the most photographed person in china with out going there.
 
I had to go to see the Audiologist yesterday to have my hearing checked. The first thing she said to me, as she sat down, was "So, what's cooking?" :?: :?:
I replied "Nothing right now, but I had a good pork roast in the crockpot yesterday" :P
You should have seen the look on her face. :lol: :lol: :lol:


Turns out I am border line normal/loss---- and PJ wonders why I never hear her :!: :wink:
 
This is turning into the Daily Laugh, which we can all use!

I also went to the audiologist for a hearing test. He said my hearing was a little below average but OK. I told him I thought my bride had a problem too...He said I could find out without an expensive test by doing this:

Go into the next room and ask a question. If you don't get an answer, move progressively closer until she finally hears you. She should be able to hear you from the other room if the house is quiet and there are no other noises and you speak in a normal voice.

Well, I did that. From the den (she was in the kitchen), I asked her "Whats for dinner"? No response.

Then I moved to the doorway of the den and asked the same question, "What's for dinner"?" No response.

So, I moved to the kitchen doorway and asked again, "What's for dinner"? Nothing.

Getting a little frustrated, I moved right behind her at the stove and said, probably with a little more volume than I needed, "What's for Dinner?" Scroll down .
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.She turned and in an even louder voice, said, "For the Fourth Time, we're having Chicken"

Actually, she can hear better than I can. I've lost a bunch of the mid range from sleeping on ship right over the forced draft blowers where my stateroom was. And all the years in machinery rooms without hearing protection when no one thought it was important...Oh yes, and the asbestos exposure?? :cry So far, no problems....Hopefully it'll stay that way... :thup

Charlie
 
Last year after being officially informed that I have "profound hearing loss" after years of abuse to my ears from gunfire, machinery and sirens I finally got hearing aids. (Now I can hear gravel crunching under my feet and the snaps on my western style shirts "snap").

Late last summer we went out on a cruise and while at the marina for our overnight stay, the Admiral got upset about something....(probably me... :mrgreen: ) and was vocal for a few moments....providentially the battery of one hearing aid elicited the tone indicating to me that the battery in that hearing aid was going dead.....shortly after, the other hearing aid alerted me of its' battery demise.

Gotta LOVE those hearing aids! :wink
 
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