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Sea Wolf

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Funny Overhead Channel 68 Conversation:

".....What's Your Position?"

(various answers)

"I'm a vice-president at Bankers' Trust."

"We're out here"

"Directly under the big star, and the moon is to my right"

"Close to the green buoy near Norwalk"

"I can see a lighthouse"


(Adapted from The Hull Truth thread on VHF channel usage)

Joe.
 
Years ago I was chartering a sailboat in the Keys and heard a guy call the Coast Guard because he ran out of gas.

When they asked for his position, his heavily-accented reply was, "I'm close to Miami, right by the beach!"

Nick
"Valkyrie"
 
A little something from the TV News uWave truck operator overheard while establishing a link between our truck and the base station. The operator was a newly wed. The time was winter. The mast on the the trucks are pneumatic and can extend to 50' from abt 12'. Moisture will condense from the air when it is compressed and our operator had forgotten to drain any water before he setup his equipment.

After the news cast was over the operator was unsuccessful in lowering the mast to the truck due to ice forming in the drain line. It was obvious that he was going to be late getting back to the station and home. Our radio conversations are fed throughout the news and engineering dept. spaces to track status and readiness.

The call from the truck operator was;" Call my wife and tell her I'm on my way home and that my mast is stuck up."

There was silence throughout the spaces for about 10 seconds, then laughter rolled across the building. After that "Big Mast" had a new nickname.
 
I guess that's better than not being able to raise the mast...

I came across a page or two of jokes about accountants - here's my favorite..

A lady goes to see her doctor with some worrying symptoms and he examines her.

"I'm sorry," he says "but it's bad news. You have only six months to live."

The patient says, "Oh Doctor. That's terrible. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "I advise you to marry a CPA."

"Will that make me live longer?"

"No," says the doctor. "But it will seem longer." :lol:
 
That's a good one!

Course, think of the possibilities.

How many other occupations could we parody? A few, I suppose.

This post isn't very funny.
 
AIRLINE LAUGHS

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs!!

After every flight, Qantas Australia pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
 
While attending college, I worked summers for the US Forest Service in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area of N. MN. We sometimes carried a radio and could monitor Forest Service aircraft and their transmissions to and from the base in Ely. One time we heard "Beaver 3" attempting a landing on floats on Crooked Lake up on the Ontario border. His transmission was, "Base, this is Beaver 3 landing Crooked." After a brief pause came the response, "Well, you better straighten it out, Beaver 3."

We about fell out of our canoe!
Al
 
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak Brown bear beginning to charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet.
But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its' right paw to strike him.
"OH MY GOD!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving...
As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around.
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"VERY WELL," said God.
The light went out.
The river ran.
The sounds of the forest resumed... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
 
Ahh yes, thanks Dave, now I can throw this into the fray for the 70's Disco crowd:


Jesus was at a disco, but having trouble dancing, so he says, "Help! I've risen and I can't get down!"
 
DaveS - reading your joke, I kept wondering how it would end. It reminds me – be careful what you ask for, you may get it.
 
nscogin":suffu7l1 said:
Airline Humor made me laugh till I cried! I haven't done that in a long time.
Click to expand...

Well...then here's another for you in a similar vein. Quite sophmorish, but in the spirit of the earlier airline humor, 'tis also true...known to be so first-hand, as I was a regular participant.

Back in my younger days, I had a pretty cool job at the local airport - fuel jockey. There were three FBO's that provided fuel, and while things could get competitive between us when a big private jet came into the guest parking (we were paid commision on fuel sales), we were generally a pretty close-knit group. As such, the veteran fuel jocks had a great trick we'd play on the new truck drivers...

Each FBO had an assigned radio channel, and pilots would call in to request fuel and services. For the most part, and especially on weekends, the only person manning the radio was the guy in the truck.

The newbie would get the following radio call (assuming the Shell FBO) - usually, just as he was trying to eat his lunch:

"Shell One, Shell One. This is Sphincter Charlie November on the northwest quadrant. We need some fuel. Over."

The newbie, oblivious to the obviously bogus call sign, would respond.

"OK - be over in a few minutes."

Now...it's bad enough that 18 year-old kids did't know what a "sphincter" is, but the joke didn't stop there. The only thing at the ficticious "northwest quadrant" was a bunch of dirt - the nearest hangar or tie-down was a good 1/2 mile away. Add to that, it was a loooong way from the FBO base - took a good 7-8 minutes to drive over there.

Naturally, we'd pull this trick while sitting at the base of the tower, where we had a good view of the entire airport. We'd watch the guy drive over there, look around, hop out and ask folks for directions, etc. Sure enough, he'd get back on the radio.

"Uhhh...aircraft calling for fuel, this is Shell One. Over."

"Shell One - this is Sphincter Charlie November. Where are you? We've been waiting for 20 minutes! We need to depart - please advise on your ETA."

"Uhhh...where are you again?"

"WE'RE ON THE NORTHWEST QUADRANT! PLEASE GET OVER HERE ASAP!"

It was amazing to watch how long a guy in a fuel truck would drive around an empty section of the airport...looking for the irate "Sphincter Charlie November."

Incidentally, not to brag...but I was one of the few who didn't fall for it. Yes...I knew what a sphincter was. And this was before the Internet. :mrgreen:
 
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