empty nest

S

starcrafttom

Active member
Well many of you know my son James and our dog cyper, we are about to loose both of them in short order. James I am happy to say is going into the United States Marine Corps on monday. this is somehting that he has been wanting to do for a long time. I was a Jarhead for 8 years and james was born on base while I was in. I think this will be good for him.

As for the dog , he has been felling poorly lately and really slowing down even for a 13 year old. We took him to the vet yesterday and he has advance cancer in his lungs and chest. Nothing we can do at this point but make him conmfy for now when he is having a bad day. James we were planing, hoping, dreaming, about leaving but the dog we were figureing on another few years at least. As much as I give susan gref about that trash eating, steak stealing, cat chasing, bulge pump clogging hair ball... I will miss him very much.

So what do we do all day if Iam not yelling at the dog or the kid for doing not doing what ever I told them to do/not do. ??
 
starcrafttom":1po0auyl said:
...So what do we do all day if Iam not yelling at the dog or the kid for doing not doing what ever I told them to do/not do. ??
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Tom - maybe you need to take up fishing?

Best of luck to your son!

Cheers,
Tom
 
starcrafttom":2tntft9p said:
Well many of you know my son James and our dog cyper, we are about to loose both of them in short order. James I am happy to say is going into the United States Marine Corps on monday. this is somehting that he has been wanting to do for a long time. I was a Jarhead for 8 years and james was born on base while I was in. I think this will be good for him.

As for the dog , he has been felling poorly lately and really slowing down even for a 13 year old. We took him to the vet yesterday and he has advance cancer in his lungs and chest. Nothing we can do at this point but make him conmfy for now when he is having a bad day. James we were planing, hoping, dreaming, about leaving but the dog we were figureing on another few years at least. As much as I give susan gref about that trash eating, steak stealing, cat chasing, bulge pump clogging hair ball... I will miss him very much.

So what do we do all day if Iam not yelling at the dog or the kid for doing not doing what ever I told them to do/not do. ??
Click to expand...

I know the drill. Last summer (06) I had to put down the 14yr old lab and see both Boys off to School :mrgreen: :beer
More time for the Boss & me to fish, hunt, boat or whatever!!
 
Served 4 yrs in USMC from 1966 to 1970 then 18 years in Army Guard and Reserves -- so retiremnt checks started in August 2007 -- my boat money! Of all of my service I am most proud of the Sgt stripes from my time in the Corps. While my oldest son attempted to follow in my foot steps a bad knee got him sent home from boot camp.

As for dogs we have had to put down two -- Barney the rascally cocker with cancer and Jake the Golden Retriever with kidney failure from age and undiagnosed Lyme Disease.

We are on our second golden retriever -- a three year old-- and hope to have him around for a few more years.

Any way -- good luck to your son and enjoy the time you have left with your dog-- you will know when it is time to end it.

Bill Uffelman
Boatless in Las Vegas NV
 
first marines then army.. I hate it when they go bad. Right now I have a nephew in the army boot camp, my only brothers only son. Good thing for him too, he was just hanging out in coo's bay getting into trouble.

As for the dog. i have had four dogs my whole life. 1) heidi my german shepard. had to give away when we moved. I was three and barely remember him. 2) GiGi my poodle. Had her from the time she was 11 until she was 22. had to put her down. 3) Mardoc. Greatdane (185 lbs) Only lasted until three years old, brain tumor. had to put him down and that was so bad no one in my family got another dog for 20 years, dam just did the math. My brother and dad and I have all had cats, one each,until pat (my brother) got a greatdane from a resuce shelter two years ago. His cat and dads cat are both over 20 and getting old fast. Susan has had cyper for 12 years at least but me and james have only been with susan for seven years. Its still the only dog james has know. I dont know how long before we get another but susan has always had a dog so not to long, One of my customers breeds hunting labs and is willing to give me one when ever I want one so that is nice. Alot going on at once.
 
Well, Starcraftom, I've been there, the empty nest transition. It took me a couple of years to redefine my major role in life... I was "Dad" for so long, and I just seemed so useless when the kids left... But, I'm sure you'll find some things to replace those 'dadderly' duties over time. Now, I've pretty well adapted to the kid's being independent (other than the last kid's graduate studies tuition!) I am looking forward to 'getting a big raise' when the last college class ends...

John
 
it will be hard to not have James around. I divorced his mom when he was almost three and have had him with me ever since. So 93 to 2001 it was just the two of us. Tnen in 2001 susan and the dog moved in with us. I have had a full house for a long time. The good part is we like to travel and now we dont have to worry about "is james in school or not and what to do with the dog"
 
Tom, my friend, these are not easy times. That empty nest when the kid leaves is really tough... I spent months mourning when our daughter went off to college. The phone bills were outrageous. Finally, Joan said, "It's not like she's never coming home. Now we can do the things we used to do before she came along."

I couldn't remember any of those things. :roll:

We started traveling more and took the cat with us... now time away meant weeks, not days. We started going to warm places when it turned cold in the frozen northland. You and Susan have not had that "just we two" time - this next chapter can be as good as you make it. I've seen the way you two look at each other... you'll figure it out. 8)

The cat we had before Molly made it to almost 22 years, and putting her down was the single hardest thing I've ever done. There is nothing I can say to make that situation easier, except these animals give so much and ask for so little. I always said that our kitty would tell me when it was time... she did; and I did the last thing for her that I could. When the time comes, you let us know and there will be plenty of shoulders here for you.

I said I would never have another animal after that... and 6 months later, Molly came into our lives. All she wanted was some attention. We "dated" for a year before she officially adopted us. I think it took that long to heal. Some folks can bring a new furry family member in right away... only you will know when it's right. A friend told me, "There is a reason their life spans are shorter than ours - it's so we will have the pleasure of having several pets during our lives."

Good luck, Tom.

Best wishes,
Jim
 
My father, hard ass that he is, never got over the dane. The only reason he got the cat was to save it from being eaten. Mom and dad were working on the najavaho reservation one year and living out of the fifth wheel in the desert. A cat had kittens under the trailer and my dad "hates damm useless cats" and would have nothing to do with them. One by one the cats got bigger and wandered to far from the trailer and got to feed the coyotes. The one kitten did not wander far because of a bad leg. So the job ends and there is only one cat left and mom ask the indians what they plan to do with the kitten and the answer was roughly "fajita" Dad picked up the cat put it in the truck and told my mom to stop grinning at him. that was 20 years plus ago.
 
RE: The Dog

Yup been there before and will be there again too soon.
My female Golden Retriever is 13 next month. I tell people she's the female who holds the record for the most nights sleeping with me! :embarrased:
But there does come a time when you've got the do the right thing for your dog.

Hang in there Tom...

Phil
Code:
 
We became empty nesters (as far as the kid is concerned) in August when my son went off to college. Our dog is still fine but he (like yours) is getting up in years (he's about 9 now but still acts like a puppy). Joyce is having a hard time with the boy being gone. For me however, the last few years were strained enough with him "dirtying the nest" that I feel like our relationship has improved since he moved out. I get more emails and phone calls since he left than I had total contact time in the months prior. So I'm happy about it while my wife's sad.

He's home on his mid semester break this week and spent almost all his time with his girl friend. Joyce took a day off to do somethings with him (shopping, lunch) but I think she wishes she had a bit more time with him.

On the bright side, my wife and I have started to "date" more often and I think once she gets used to not having the boy around, it will be more fun for the two of us. I'm a long way from retirement so we have no plans to do like JIm and Joan yet. However, I'm hoping that once the boy's through college, my wife will either quit work or find a job that will allow her to travel with me. The nice thing about my college prof job is that I get invited to lots of exotic places for conferences and to teach classes. Unfortunately, it's not as much fun when there's no one there to share the experience.
 
Tom,

Re the kid, like Jim B, I have had a tough time dealing with empty nest issues. I raised my 3 kids after my divorce and as soon as my youngest son graduated high school, I got married to Caryn. So just like that, I moved out of my house of 17 years and the "kids" stayed. It seemed that it all happened so suddenly and I'm still trying to get used to the fact that they're all grown up and independent adults. Even when they come back to visit, they're not dependent kids anymore. Oh well, such is life.

Peter
C-Dancer
 
I have a 15 year old son and a 17 year old daughter. For you folks that are feeling lonely you are welcome to borrow them for a few years.



Our dog on the other hand is 15. She is deaf and blind in one eye. When our son was 2 years old we had rented a cabin on lake of the woods. We had a pontoon boat tied up at the dock. I woke up quite early one morning to the sound of the dog barking. I wondered what the hell is going on? The dog should have been sleeping beside the bed. I got up and found that my 2 year old son was not in his bed. He had wondered down to the end of the dock and was trying to untie the boat. At that age he always was falling in. Anyway jackie had barked and barked until i came out. Had she not have been there it may have been the worst day of any parents life.Now we know she is at the end of her life and she has earned every bone, every doggie treat, every tummy scratch a thousand times over.
 
:D Gotta say this is a good thread ! We are new to being empty nesters as well. My mother passed away last Jan. So our daughter moved into my mother's home until the probate was settled. She's still there and thinking of buying the place for her self. My sister and I inherited the place. Our daughter is only 19 she works full time and goes to Crimminal Justice classes at the Community college One semister to go ! Yippee :o She does call a lot and we have lunch about once a week if her time allows it. LOL
Now as for the dogs..We had to put one down two years ago that was the "family " dog. We now have FIVE Dogs. Two my Mother had and three we had.One I talked Larry into driving four hours to the mountains to adopt her. I saw her online she was homeless and sad looking.. . So she has been with us for three years Thanksgiving. She's a special gal I keep trying to make her a boat dog.. but she hates leaving home in the car. LOL :o Afraid of getting lost and homeless again I guess.. Take care all ...Tracy
 
Tom - Good on James and so sorry to hear about the dog. Good on you for doing the best for both of them.

Oh, and that Empty Nest stuff? It's just an illusion.
 
Well, Judy and I have been empty nesters for about 10 years now. Sold a house to get the last 2 kids out. They moved when escrow closed. We did some sailing, traveling, etc.

BUT THEN, we got grandchildren. Now our trips are planned around visiting the different sets of kids. And then they come visit. Especially Christmas. And it's different being a grandparent, you can't send everyone to their room, you just have to smile and say "my, how nice." On the other hand, your kids are going through what you did.

So, just wait, there'll be another phase of your life you haven't even thought about yet.

Boris
 
Tom, sounds like a time of many transitions and upheaval in your life -- your son, your bud the dog, jobs, etc., etc. I've noticed these things tend to come in waves.

We lost all three of our Australian Shepherds this year, both rescued. The older one, Sydney, a blue merle, I adopted after I got divorced and he lived with me during the four years that I lived in my mother's house so my ex didn't have to sell the house and uproot the kids (I don't begrudge the money at all, the good relationship with my ex allowed me to spend almost as much time, maybe more, with the girls as if I were living in the same house.) Then I was able to buy some land and build a house for Sydney and me. Within a year after finishing the house I met and married Lori and adopted her son.

Lori and I adopted two more Aussies, Shelby and Bosco. Shelby was a very small, maybe a miniature, another blue merle, and had epilepsy so would have seizures every now and then. Bosco was a huge black and brown guy and has the greatest heart, but boy did he love to bark at the horses.

When the kids all graduated from high school and the girls went to college and the boy went into the electrician apprenticeship program, and it was pretty obvious Lori was on permanent disability, and my mother needed to live in an assisted living situation, we decided that the kids were going to be going their own way sooner or later, my mother was leaving her house, and since I had been wanting to get the hell out of Utah for 50 years, the time was right to pull up stakes for the PNW.

So we did. Found a home for Bosco with a friend who owns horses so he would have plenty of horses to bark at. Found a house, moved up to Anacortes with my mom and the two dogs, and the boat, remodeled two bedrooms and a bath into an apartment for my mom, sold the boat, bought a C-Dory (wow, never dreamed the Brats would be such a big part of my life).

Then this spring the younger Aussie developed uterine cancer and had to be put down. A few months later Sydney was just in too much arthritis pain, deaf, practically blind, and becoming more and more incontinent. He went peacefully as I held him in the vet's parking lot.

A couple of weeks ago we started out with two Labradoodles but have decided that two babies is too much for us (particularly for Lori) so now we just have Ike. And while thankfully my mom is doing very well for 89, I do have to manage her care, take her to the store, doctors, etc. so in a way it is like having the responsibilities of a kid again.

More than you probably wanted to know, right? Bottom line, Tom, things will settle down for you, your son will come home from boot camp all spit and shine proud in his uniform, and in a few months you'll get a new dog, and life will be good again.

Warren
 
Lori Ann":2cdrferq said:
And while thankfully my mom is doing very well for 89, I do have to manage her care, take her to the store, doctors, etc. so in a way it is like having the responsibilities of a kid again.
Warren
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I hear you, Warren. An elderly parent can be worse than kids or dogs in many ways, especially if you were an only child and there's no other family left. I've already missed two SBS gatherings, a Lake Powell break and a number of other fairly local gatherings because of issues. Mine is the same age as yours - 90 in January and we lost our beloved Sammy the Wonder Dog on Mother's Day but today we go look at a "rescue" mini schnauzer and mom's going to her favorite store (Dollar store) with her peers at the local Assisted Living facility so we're gonna cherish our day alone.

Life indeed improves. We were fortunate to have a year of total empty nest and took advantage of it with a year long RV journey around the US. Next time, hopefully, the Jenny B will go along for the ride and we can see the waterways as well.

Though I should point out that "Empty Nest" can be broken up by periods of "Rescue kids". :lol:

Don
 
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