Let's go Hunting with Dick Cheney

Based on recent events involving the vice-president and his
questionable hunting practices, the following bill is proposed to clear
up any legal questions pertaining to future harvesting of attorneys:

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys 370.01 Any
person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also
hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and Sport (non-commercial)
purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.

The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department
inspection for rabies, and vermin.

370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is
prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in
reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the
dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should
proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power
boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE," or "FREE
SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW,
Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons.

370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms,
law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to
have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.

370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter,
drug dealer, pimp, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or
tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.11 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4;

NOTE: Honest attorneys remain protected under The Endangered Species
Act.

(You can come out now Pat, You're safe) :wink:
 
I'd better be careful, Building Inspectors tend to be targeted also. :shock: :lol:

"But the last inspector let me do it" "I've been doing it this way for years"
 
I'd like to say thanks to Da Nerd Bill for his excellent post way back there. And most all the others, too. See what fun we can have when we trust one another, don't take ourselves too seriously, and aren't looking for occasions to be offended?
 
OK, Roger, let it all hang out, get it out of our system, lets do ALL the lawyer jokes right here, right now. I'll kick it off:

Why do they bury lawyers nine feet deep instead of the usual six feet? Because down deep they are all nice guys...

OK, next??

Fishtales":2ls2ze4j said:
Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys

(You can come out now Pat, You're safe) :wink:
Click to expand...
 
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
 
Since all of you are jumping on lawyers, I am going to have to stick up for them.

THE COMPASSIONATE LAWYER

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."
 
Did you hear that the National Institutes of Health has quit using rats in their research labs?

Well it's true, they switched over to lawyers instead. They cited three reasons for the change:

1) In the U.S. there are actually more lawyers than rats so the supply is better.

2) The laboratory personnel were becoming too attached to the rats and...

3) There's some things a rat just won't do! :lol:
 
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