Daily Laugh

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If you don't need these now, you will, if you're lucky

Since more and more Seniors are texting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, and need assistance in understanding, this is the code for you . . ..

ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Fell

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL... CGU: Rolling On Floor Laughing...Can't Get Up

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

LMGA: Lost My Glasses Again

GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)
 
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? Some News Headlines:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers


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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

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War Dims Hope for Peace

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

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And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


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When I teach new officers I always tell them to proof read their reports. I teach that it will be read by detectives, attorneys, judges, jury members etc and they will be judged by what they put down on paper. The younger guys assume spell check etc will "correct" anything. Wrong.

Yep...a dying art and the next generation will be even worse, thanks to "texting". I don't have a problem w/ casual daily use etc, even here I use things like "IMO" and "thru", but when it comes to something of substance...come on.
 
There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded. "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Leo, you change with Jerry, Tony, you change with Bert, and Bob, you change with Ed."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.
 
:shock: Dave...Oh, no you didn't..... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I HOPE you realize that some may not get that.
 
A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a fireman’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fireman walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the fireman said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the fireman said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
 
OK Brats, I have searched for the post all over the site for the list of IM Oldspeak that someone posted in the last 6 months.

It has things like ROTFL LMAO CGU in it. "Rolling on the floor, laughing my axx of, can't get up...

Help?

Charlie
 
Captains Cat":2229yhto said:
OK Brats, I have searched for the post all over the site for the list of IM Oldspeak that someone posted in the last 6 months.

It has things like ROTFL LMAO CGU in it. "Rolling on the floor, laughing my axx of, can't get up...

Help?

Charlie

Go back one page in this thread, Charlie. Marty posted it.
 
Captains Cat":2hd4xlk5 said:
OK Brats, I have searched for the post all over the site for the list of IM Oldspeak that someone posted in the last 6 months.

It has things like ROTFL LMAO CGU in it. "Rolling on the floor, laughing my axx of, can't get up...

Help?

Charlie

Lmao2.jpg
 
Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.
 
Well apparently the second highest paid King County employee is a deputy sherriff, earning over $225,000 last year with overtime. This reminded someone of the lawyer who died . On his arrival up there he complained to St. Peter that he was only 42 years old. St. Peter responded.."but I checked your billable hours and figured you were 102."
 
The Marriage Counselor

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'
 
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