AstoriaDave
New member
We be geezers, Joe!
PS, I got ya beat ... born 1944.
PS, I got ya beat ... born 1944.
Daily Laugh 2
- Thread starter Captains Cat
- Start date
Pacificcoast101
Member
Southwest Air just repainted their fleet in various colors, red, green, yellow and others... including brown.
Approach control was handing off to the tower for final approach. Pilots were reporting bad weather, rain and turbulence on that path, and just coming out of overcast quite close to minimums and close to the airport.
Tower was identifying aircraft with binoculars as they emerged on final.
The usual banter was "(tower) Air xxx I have you in sight, cleared to land"
Then came the brown Southwest plane...
"(tower) Southwest xxx I have you in sight, cleared to land... What the hell did you fly through???"
Approach control was handing off to the tower for final approach. Pilots were reporting bad weather, rain and turbulence on that path, and just coming out of overcast quite close to minimums and close to the airport.
Tower was identifying aircraft with binoculars as they emerged on final.
The usual banter was "(tower) Air xxx I have you in sight, cleared to land"
Then came the brown Southwest plane...
"(tower) Southwest xxx I have you in sight, cleared to land... What the hell did you fly through???"
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems.
Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of Scotch!"
The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."
"Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?"
"Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never touched my lips."
"Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"
"Well, I really don't know ..."
"I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the glass, it's inside the person."
"Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."
"Well let's go inside and settle this"
"No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "Scotch" you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."
"You're on!" said the guy.
The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two Scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please?"
The bartender sighed and said, "Is that darn nun out there again!?!"
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems.
Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of Scotch!"
The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."
"Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?"
"Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never touched my lips."
"Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"
"Well, I really don't know ..."
"I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the glass, it's inside the person."
"Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."
"Well let's go inside and settle this"
"No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "Scotch" you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."
"You're on!" said the guy.
The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two Scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please?"
The bartender sighed and said, "Is that darn nun out there again!?!"
A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops. Its WWI, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.
He goes up to the first man and says: "What brings you in here son?" The soldier replies: "sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful." The general asks him: "How are they caring for you in here?" and the soldier replies: "Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my behind with a soft brush." The general asks: "Is there anything else we can do for you?" and the soldier says: "No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can." The general seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.
The general approaches the second man's bed and asks: "What brings you in here son?" The soldier replies somewhat embarrassed: "Sir, I got gonorrhoea from a woman while I was on leave." The general laughs and says: "It happens to the best of us son, how are they caring for you in here?" and the soldier replies: "Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my privates with a soft brush." The general asks: "Is there anything else we can do for you?" and the soldier says: "No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can." The general once again seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.
The general approaches the third man's bed and asks: "What brings you in here son?" The soldier tells him: "sir, I got strep throat in the trenches." The general asks: "How are they caring for you in here?" and the soldier replies: "Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my throat with a soft brush." The general asks: "Is there anything else we can do for you?" and the soldier says: "Actually sir, there is one thing... I'd like to be the first one to use the brush."
He goes up to the first man and says: "What brings you in here son?" The soldier replies: "sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful." The general asks him: "How are they caring for you in here?" and the soldier replies: "Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my behind with a soft brush." The general asks: "Is there anything else we can do for you?" and the soldier says: "No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can." The general seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.
The general approaches the second man's bed and asks: "What brings you in here son?" The soldier replies somewhat embarrassed: "Sir, I got gonorrhoea from a woman while I was on leave." The general laughs and says: "It happens to the best of us son, how are they caring for you in here?" and the soldier replies: "Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my privates with a soft brush." The general asks: "Is there anything else we can do for you?" and the soldier says: "No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can." The general once again seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.
The general approaches the third man's bed and asks: "What brings you in here son?" The soldier tells him: "sir, I got strep throat in the trenches." The general asks: "How are they caring for you in here?" and the soldier replies: "Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my throat with a soft brush." The general asks: "Is there anything else we can do for you?" and the soldier says: "Actually sir, there is one thing... I'd like to be the first one to use the brush."
FUNNY LIES PARENTS TOLD THEIR KIDS!
by various anonymous
The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers.
When you lie, your ears turn red. I covered my ears every time I lied.
My grandmother told my mother that the left boob is for regular milk and the right is for chocolate milk. My mom believed this until she was in high school and took sex ed.
If the ice cream truck is playing music, it means that they have run out of ice cream.
My dad told me that if I swallowed chewing gum, my poops would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried when I swallowed some gum.
My mother told me that when an earthquake happens, our planet is fighting with another planet. I believed that until 2nd grade.
My dad used to tell me Santa was tired of milk and cookies, and I’d get extra toys if I left Doritos and beer. That went on for years.
Oh, no, this isn’t Cola, it’s black water, and you wouldn’t like it.
My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it, the plane would crash.
My mom’s friend got tired of her kids eating her scallops when they went to restaurants, so she told them that scallops are dolphin b___s..
People get 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit, you can’t physically speak until the new month begins. Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, “Careful, now, I have to think you’re up over 9,000 by now.” That would shut me right up.
When I was little, my Dad told me that Pulp Fiction was a documentary on oranges because he didn’t want me to watch it.
Every time you lie, the baby Jesus gets diarrhea.
I told my kids that if they didn’t behave in the drive-through line, they’d get a Sad Meal.
When we went to the store, my mom used t tell us kids, “Every time you touch something, a kitten dies”.
My mom told me that If I ate raw cookie dough, I’d get worms.
Grandma said “If you wander off, the boogie man will kill you and make sausage out of you”.
They don’t sell batteries for that toy.
My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me that they were “Italian Onion Rings”.
by various anonymous
The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers.
When you lie, your ears turn red. I covered my ears every time I lied.
My grandmother told my mother that the left boob is for regular milk and the right is for chocolate milk. My mom believed this until she was in high school and took sex ed.
If the ice cream truck is playing music, it means that they have run out of ice cream.
My dad told me that if I swallowed chewing gum, my poops would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried when I swallowed some gum.
My mother told me that when an earthquake happens, our planet is fighting with another planet. I believed that until 2nd grade.
My dad used to tell me Santa was tired of milk and cookies, and I’d get extra toys if I left Doritos and beer. That went on for years.
Oh, no, this isn’t Cola, it’s black water, and you wouldn’t like it.
My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it, the plane would crash.
My mom’s friend got tired of her kids eating her scallops when they went to restaurants, so she told them that scallops are dolphin b___s..
People get 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit, you can’t physically speak until the new month begins. Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, “Careful, now, I have to think you’re up over 9,000 by now.” That would shut me right up.
When I was little, my Dad told me that Pulp Fiction was a documentary on oranges because he didn’t want me to watch it.
Every time you lie, the baby Jesus gets diarrhea.
I told my kids that if they didn’t behave in the drive-through line, they’d get a Sad Meal.
When we went to the store, my mom used t tell us kids, “Every time you touch something, a kitten dies”.
My mom told me that If I ate raw cookie dough, I’d get worms.
Grandma said “If you wander off, the boogie man will kill you and make sausage out of you”.
They don’t sell batteries for that toy.
My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me that they were “Italian Onion Rings”.
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and given VD to his cousin.
I was appalled, but as the days went on I came to realize that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk...
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and given VD to his cousin.
I was appalled, but as the days went on I came to realize that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk...
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
The economy is so bad that:
I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture now is worth only 200 words.
They re-named Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street".
Finally, I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture now is worth only 200 words.
They re-named Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street".
Finally, I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
I once heard this story about Albert Einstein… (I do not know if it is true, but I will always remember it)
Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor
came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he
came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find
his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he
looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat
beside him. He still couldn't find it.
The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."
Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle
punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned
around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking
under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't
worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure
you bought one."
Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I
don't know is where I'm going."
Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor
came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he
came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find
his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he
looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat
beside him. He still couldn't find it.
The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."
Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle
punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned
around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking
under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't
worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure
you bought one."
Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I
don't know is where I'm going."
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple ipad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5®and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on hishi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?
”The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required" answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”
“Now give me back my dog.”
AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple ipad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5®and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on hishi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?
”The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required" answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”
“Now give me back my dog.”
AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.
Pacificcoast101
Member
The Quickie
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated.
All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit comes to his table and asks if he's ready to order, "What would like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame, top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated.
All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit comes to his table and asks if he's ready to order, "What would like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame, top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."
The Stubborn Blonde
A beautiful young model boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy, and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats.
Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm a famous model, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies: "I'm a famous model, I'm sitting here all the way to New York." . The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot.
The Co-pilot says that he used to date a blond model like her, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "ok, thank you". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class seats aren't going to New York."
A beautiful young model boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy, and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats.
Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm a famous model, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies: "I'm a famous model, I'm sitting here all the way to New York." . The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot.
The Co-pilot says that he used to date a blond model like her, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "ok, thank you". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class seats aren't going to New York."
A Fla. senior citizen drove his new Corvette
convertible out of the dealership and off down the road, pushing it to 80 mph, the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. In his rear view mirror, he saw a Fla. State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring! He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle, walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "3 years ago, my wife ran off with a Fla. State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
convertible out of the dealership and off down the road, pushing it to 80 mph, the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. In his rear view mirror, he saw a Fla. State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring! He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle, walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "3 years ago, my wife ran off with a Fla. State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
